The greatest purpose of our love, is for those around us to know the truth of where it comes from. Passporter Alyssa Benson shares of her recent heartache, and revelation of this lesson at an ophanage in Guatemala.
We stare into each other’s eyes, but she does not move. She sits, observing, but not being affected by the joy, the screams, or the tears around her — emotionless. No matter what I do she doesn’t react. But I know I'm not supposed to leave her side. There's a greater purpose — even if I don't understand it.
The time comes when I must leave, so I kiss her head, tell her I love her, and walk away.
Over the weeks I return she remains emotionless, but she lets me hold her. One step closer. She lets me wrap her in my arms, and show her love — permission, but no reaction.
When I walk her to her room before I leave, I can feel her heart palpitating. Outwardly, nothing was happening, but I could tangibly feel her insides stirring with anxiousness.
My heart fills with pain, but hope overwhelms me. She will know what love means.
I don’t want this child to feel my love only when we are together, but allow the love inside me to change her, and somehow break through her walls.More than an orphan who changed my heart, this is how God is revealing his love to me. At first, I was an emotionless orphan, numb to the world around me.
He longed for me to feel his love and joy. But he didn’t force it.
He took it slow, wooing me, and slowly but surely, his love consuming my heart, and allowing me to feel.
Then one day it happened, her face almost always so straight, finally curved upward — a smile. An uncontainable peace, and joy overwhelmed my heart.
This was our hardest goodbye. I put her down, and she chased me, she didn’t want to be separated. My heart ached, my stomach fell, but I had to leave. I kissed her, told her I loved her, and walked away listening to the sound of her cry.
On the last week, I walked into that familiar room, looking around. I could hear the children, but didn’t see any. I had a weird feeling in my heart. She wasn’t there.
Tears built up in my eyes. Heart racing. I listened to a conversation in Spanish about the whereabouts of this beautiful little girl.
She was with her grandmother — where she will definitely be loved.
My heart was confused; a flood of different emotions was flowing through me like electricity. I thought I was getting through, and making a difference, and now my time with her was over. But my heart felt a peace. She was an orphan no longer — a beloved daughter.
I know the love I showed her was not a love of my own, but the love of Christ encompassing me while I held her.
The lessons I learned from her will stay with me forever. To let people in, to let love affect me, to be forever changed by another person.
She helped shatter my walls, and I know that she will forever long for that love I was able to show her, and some day, she will know it was the love of her Father.
Both Rosie and I are orphans no longer, but beautiful and beloved daughters of the Creator.
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