Helena Jordao, a January 2012 E Squad alumna, has been through a divorce and felt the weight of that choice. In the face of heartbreak she chose Jesus. She chose to seek God and his grace. What she discovered was her heart for his people.
I got married at 21 and divorced at 23. I went through heartache and identity crisis. I received comfort and healing from Jesus and the Church and was activated to full-time ministry.
I am often referred to as a success story for divorce, but I disagree.
I was statistically and spiritually destined for dysfunction, as many of us are. I agreed with my set-up and that’s where I chose to go. I remember seeing the red flags, being too stubborn, and closing myself off. I didn’t realize divorce was just around the corner, two years away.
While in my marriage, I prayed some desperate prayers for a miracle, for the light to come into that relationship and for the truth to rise out of it.
God’s answer looked nothing like I expected. It wasn’t reconciliation.
While I thought the divorce was the hardest part, waking up to my new reality wasn’t any easier. Having to mark ‘divorced’ on every form, I wondered if I’d ever be released from carrying the baggage of such a heavy story.
The miracle in all of this? I didn’t feel alone. I could feel Jesus in the room with me. He was right there.
In the mornings, I didn’t want to get out of bed, but I would say to myself “God is good, and God made this day, and this day is a good day. I will face this day.” I put one foot in front of the other.
I got to the end of my rope. I hit rock bottom and waved my white flag.
I opened my heart fully and surrendered completely to the One who is Almighty.
I allowed people to come into my life and sharpen me. I ran my decisions through them. I let them pipe in. I knew some of them were gonna rain on a few of my parades. I canceled my dumb parades because of their wisdom. I am thankful now that I did.
I stopped talking to people who I knew were not part of God’s plan for me. Not easy, but worth it. Changed numbers. Blocked numbers. Emotional crutches aren’t needed when you hold the hand of God.
I made time to read the Bible, to pray. I listened to music that stirred my soul toward the Lord. I kept showing up to church. I stopped showing up to the bars and to the pity parties.
I bought in to this Jesus thing.
Turns out He’s absolutely real and worth it. I took my leap of faith and He caught me in His arms.
He redeemed me. I’m not a sob story! What He did in my life inspires people!
Is it miraculous? Absolutely. But that’s the God I chill with everyday, the one who dwells inside my heart, the one who heals the sick, raises the dead, forgives sin, and defeats death for everybody—not just me.
That’s standard Jesus.
I’ve tasted and seen that He’s good. I asked for Him to bring something good from all the mess I had made, and He came through. That’s a miracle.
I’ve had the sweet honor to represent Jesus in 11 different countries. The girl with a misfit story! I spoke on the radio and TV, snuggled little orphans, held crying widows, and preached in front of crowds.
He’s not ashamed of me, or my story. He’s actually super proud of me!
The world wanted to bury me alive because of my divorce, to label me as used, damaged, dysfunctional, and unfit for ministry. Yet, Jesus came along and took me on the World Race. Miracle.
I am still part of His Body, even with all my flaws, somehow useful in the middle of my process, because he promised to finish the work He started in me.
He knows where He stands in the job, and He knows what He’s working with. He knows me and my mess, yet He trusts me. Who am I to filter God’s calling for me? To argue with His choice to use the foolish, weak, lowly, and despised?
I got tangled up with the One who always wins, and I finally, finally let Him fight my battles.
To the world, that looks like a personal success story, but don’t be fooled. It wasn’t my hard work, intelligence, or self-discipline that landed me here, but Jesus.
I testify only of His goodness to all His children, His gospel, and His success. Anybody who surrenders their heart to Jesus will experience His power to redeem. Anybody can live a miracle.
The good news is that I’m not God’s favorite. I am no different than you. I’m not an ounce more ‘called’ or ‘chosen’ or ‘anointed’ than you are.
What I did after the divorce was something that I should have done a long time ago: I heard and I obeyed.
Even when our hearts are broken, God is always close. He can still use our stories even we when don’t think he can. If you have a story God is calling you to share with the world, our Passport 2014 trips are just for you.
