|

How a Funeral Changed My Life for Good

While attending a funeral in Nicaragua, Race Alum and Adventures Staff Caitlin Roberson realized life as a missionary has nothing to do with leading ministry – and everything to do with the heart.


Last week, while in Nicaragua, I saw my first dead body. 

The 21-year-old boy died the day before, and I was at his funeral, watching grief twist the faces of his loved ones. I will never forget his mother’s cries as we marched behind the truck in the pouring rain to the gravesite.

On that three mile trek to the graveyard, my mind raced. If I died tomorrow, will I have done enough with my life? There is so much left I want to do, but what have I done that really matters?

Since March I have been to the Dominican Republic twice, Nepal, Charlotte, Raleigh, Greenville, Montana, and Nicaragua. My brain has scarcely had time to catch up with the people I’ve seen and the places I’ve been.

All working for the Lord. My job is working for the Lord, technically.

But that is what matters, right?

I spent my whole summer doing mission work, but last week in Nicaragua it all came to a grinding halt. I was there visiting our long term base in Granada. I had no team, I had no ministry schedule, and all I had to communicate with was my poor Spanish with which I could generally ask a person’s name, about their siblings and their favorite football team (and everyone has the same one: Barcelona).

In addition, one of my hosts was sick and could not get out of bed. There were many days when I felt completely and utterly useless.

I don’t want to go to my grave having been useless. This fear of insignificance has crept up behind me at the most unlikely times.

The truth is, I hardly knew what to do with myself if I was not running around organizing or doing ministry. I couldn’t function.

Since there weren’t a million people to talk to, I was finally able to spend time with the Lord. One day, I sat in a courtyard filled with palm trees and flowers and heard the Lord ask me, “Are you working like a crazy person for me or for yourself?”

That day I realized something important: while I was doing great things for God, my actions were leading my heart. It should have been the other way around.

The next morning I had a long conversation with Scott, my host for the week. We talked about our significance on earth and how our actions needed to come from a place of loving the Lord.

The week progressively became easier and I began to see life all around me: at the prison we visited and talked with the women, at the children’s Bible study where they excitedly opened Christmas shoe boxes played soccer with me, in sharing a meal with friends and seeing old squadmates.

There was even life in this funeral procession as we walked in the pouring rain.

The entire community came together to support this family. As I gave my condolences to the brother, he held my hand and asked me to pray with him because he wanted to start living for Jesus. As we prayed, tears poured down his face; he confessed his sins and begged God to give him strength and to not leave his broken family.

I stood up with tears in my eyes. God had redeemed me; I knew he would redeem this family.

This is what life is – accepting what God has given to us so we can give it to others.

I will never forget that day in Nicaragua and I will never forget what the Lord has done for me as long as I live.

What I do is an opportunity, not a burden. I want to serve the Lord with all my heart because I love him not because I feel guilty or it makes me feel important.

I have value not because of what I do for Him, but because of what Jesus did for me.


Do you feel called to share God’s love with those who also need to learn their value in him? Click HERE for opportunities to GO in 2016 for information on missions trips this fall and in 2016!